I’m so very aware of my own addiction to digital devices. “Do I really need to know at 06:30am when the next full moon is, or what the weather will be like tomorrow”?
Can I call myself an addict? I believe so, because even though my rational mind has said NO and even taken some steps to mitigate, I still cannot willfully change a habit that I have picked up and suddenly months of habit roll into years!
Disappointed that 30 minutes of mindless scrolling had eaten in to my precious yoga time, I decided to get curious about my experience during my Focusing session with my partner today.
The Focusing process allows me to say out loud, only that which is comfortable to me, I don’t have to bare my soul. I trust my Focusing partner enough that whatever I share is stored confidentially in that space between us. Although I knew I felt ashamed of my habit I didn’t reveal this until I had checked in with what my bodies’ wisdom was saying.
Attempting willful efforts to stop wasting this time and to lessen my exposure to Electro Magnetic Frequencies (EMF’s), I am mostly now leaving my phone out of my bedroom and turning off the WIFI at night. My cat who is a bit frail tends to cry for food once it’s light. Then I might pick up my phone and go back to bed. All too easy then to switch on the data once I’m awake proper. I have limited ‘socials’ and notifications on my phone, however there is always something to check isn’t there?
Philip Shepherd (1) examines how the ‘willful approach’ in the process of change, has limited success because we are not really listening to the whole story. Like the hidden mass of an iceberg under water, Focusing allows me to connect with what’s underneath the known. This Shepherd describes as connecting to “the wholeness of the present”
During the Focusing session, I paused and let the feelings and sensations around this habit take shape. There was a dominant feeling from the willful part; ‘just don’t do it’, I stayed with this allowing it to be just as it was. Words and phrases floated up; Why? What is it that I want to know, so early in the day? Sure, I’m keen to know the order of play at Wimbledon but can’t it wait? I felt annoyance arise and it sat in my body as tightness around my arms and nose, this can seem unrelated but I just stay curious.
Then I spoke out loud “I want to do just what I want” “that sounded like a sulky teenage voice” I said. My Focusing partner helpfully reflected back that she heard an adult willful side and a more childlike part. I thanked her, this was really helpful to hear back, the split became clearer and embodied, it felt like one was on the left and one on the right. I observed this without judgement.
As I rested there with a listening ear, the younger voice expanded “I want to do exactly what I want and you’re not stopping me” followed by a memory. My father lived with a belief that people who stayed in bed were lazy. On every none-school day we’d be shouted out of bed at 8am, no other explanation given. No wonder my autonomous younger self was making a fuss! I felt a real Aha from my body around this connection with the past.
I checked back in with the adult part who just kept asking the question “WHY am I picking up my phone” and “WHAT do I actually need to know, first thing in the morning?’ I had a sense of these questions with me throughout the day.
As I close the session, I reassure all the parts that I will check in again when there is a need. A couple of days later I feel more relaxed, like there is less urgency or pressure. I know that both parts have been seen and heard without judgement and I’m staying curious to what happens next.
If this resonates, or you're curious about how Focusing can help you
Take a look at : https://paulacharnley.com/events/
Introduction to Focusing begins 6 September, 2024 and runs for 3 Friday afternoons.
(1) Philip Shepherd Radical Wholeness (2017) North Atlantic Books